The Process is as Important as the Destination - A Journey of Self-Discovery

I never understood why people went backpacking and I was always of the opinion that: if I went on a holiday, I want to travel well, eat well and live well. It will be well-planned, I will know exactly where I am sleeping for the night and it will be in a place with en-suite shower and toilet facilities. I will not spend every evening unpacking for a shower and a change of clothes and then spend the night packing and re-stuffing my worldly possessions into my backpack only to carry them around the whole day.

But occasionally, and I’ve noticed with increasing frequency of late, life throws me a challenge. I was about to get a small taste of backpacking…

In this particular challenge, I am supposed to travel alone about 300km across a country I’m unfamiliar with, to a place I have never heard of and almost impossible to find information about (because it’s such a small town) whilst carrying my luggage (which in the end weighed more than 30kg!), always being mindful and alert about my belongings (which of course includes my passport, money, cards blah blah), and being careful about my environment such as dodgy alleys. In addition, I have to time my arrival such that it is hopefully still daylight (before 5pm) when I arrive.

In summary?

Very challenging.

Particularly since I’ve not traveled alone before and I am not physically intimidating (in fact, I look too much like a naïve teenager in a land where the people seem to experience express ageing).

As in all situations, I have options: I can kick up a hell of a fuss, be a pain and insist on an alternative place of attachment. As an international student who’s probably paying the equivalent of 10 local students, I would have no trouble getting my way. In the process, I will come across as an individual and student who is unable to cope with challenges and yeah, give others a really good impression of Singapore.

Instead, I chose the alternative of accepting the challenge and forced myself to convert my helplessness and panic into constructive planning: studying maps, planning my journey, finding out bus times, finding accommodation, even to the extent of creating a timeline (a good skill I picked up from Red Cross). It sounds a little compulsive but preparation was the only way I could calm myself down, by minimizing the chances of things going wrong: getting lost, spending the night at the bus-stop etc.

So yesterday, my preparations were put to test.

5:00am – Get up, have breakfast, and throw in items that can finally be packed e.g. toothbrush.

6:00am – Taxi arrives on time to take me to the bus station in Aberdeen.

6:15am – I get to the bus station in good time for my bus to Glasgow. Wonder which idiot designed the bus such that the luggage compartment is at my shoulder height. I struggle to get my luggage into the compartment.

6:40am – Bus to Glasgow departs.

10:20am – Arrival in Glasgow. Stopped by Dundee and Perth along the way to pick up more passengers who were going to other places like Edinburgh, Manchester or London. Dundee and Perth hence now fall into the grey area of “I’ve been there but I’ve not been there”.

10:25am – Managed to get my luggage out of the bus and marvel at how much the bus station of Glasgow resembles Toa Payoh Bus Interchange. I now have to find the other bus that will take me from the city of Glasgow to the town of Irvine which is supposed to leave at 11:10am.

10:28am – I find out that the area to wait for the bus is just next to where I alighted.

10:30am – The bus that was supposed to leave at 10:20am for Irvine is still here! Feeling lucky, I board the bus. It was torturous bringing my luggage up the steps of the bus and I had to pay ₤3.35 for my bus fare but I am so pleased with arriving earlier than planned that I do not swear at anyone.

10:40am – The bus departs and the guy next to me starts talking to me, telling me about his children. I listen for about 10 minutes then direct the conversation towards the topic of Irvine and I ended up learning more about Irvine by talking to him than from the Internet.

11:30am – I am in Irvine! The bus driver very kindly voluntarily helped me bring my luggage down the steps of the bus. I recognize the landmarks that the owner of the Bed & Breakfast mentioned and followed the directions I got from him.

11:35am – I get to the B&B just as my arm feels like it’s about to fall off from dragging my luggage across road, gravel and pavement. It is a small B&B with only 4 rooms. However, I am not amused to find out that my room is on the 2nd floor and I have to go up the curvy and narrow stairs. Fortunately, the lady who works there decided she will help me and carrying either ends of the suitcase, we made our way to my room.

11:38am – I stand amazed at the room before me. I was supposed to get an “emergency room” that was smaller than the rest because the B&B was full for the weekend. What I am given today is obviously not the “emergency room” because there is a double bed and 2 single beds. I asked and was assured that nobody else is sharing the room with me. I sms-ed Eli (my flatmate) to tell her about this (and that I arrived safely in Irvine) and she wisely replied that I “do not have to fill up the beds”. Very prophetic words but I would realize that only later…

12:30pm – Lunch is microwaved lasagna that I bought from the supermarket down the street.

1:15pm – I’m feeling sleepy after lunch but I drag my ass out to recce the town and the hospital that I’m going to be staying at.

2:00pm – Arrived at the security office at the hospital and am delighted to find out that my accommodation is ready! I can move in tomorrow rather than on Monday as planned.

2:15pm – Found my accommodation. It is part of a row of low-rise buildings that are a 5 minute walk from the hospital. Next to the low-rise building is a field and (I’m not kidding here) my neighbours are cows!

My flat is on the 3rd floor of a low-rise building and my mind has instantly registered the fact that I will NEVER be able to bring my luggage up alone. I make a mental note to find a solution.

The flat has 4 rooms and although it’s empty at the moment, there is evidence of inhabitant(s). The room is a decent size but it is not en-suite, the flat is not the newest and not the most spanking clean.

My first thought was: The only things that can save this place are nice people and an internet connection. But I quickly push that thought out and automatically practice positive self-talk (the things you learn from school to empower patients are remarkably useful) and repeatedly tell myself that I will survive and focus on little positive things like there is a microwave, there are plates, bowls and knives, there is a thick comforter and there is toilet paper in the toilet.

4:00pm – I am back at the B&B and planning how best to go about doing things tomorrow. I finally settle on going shopping tomorrow morning for food for the next few days (since there are no supermarkets within walking distance from the hospital) and then carrying all of that, together with my luggage and move everything at once. My “helper” will be the lucky driver of whichever taxi I end up taking tomorrow. Satisfied, I settle down to read a book and take a nap.

7:00pm – I am refreshed after my nap and dinner. I hang around the entrance of the B&B to watch the fireworks that people are setting off in their gardens. 5th November is a day of celebration in UK.

7:15pm – A guy enters the B&B and starts a conversation with me. His name is Mark and he is a professional dart player from London and has the room next to mine. I decide I want to go for a walk to see more of the fireworks and Mark asks to join me. I hesitate but eventually agree.

7:45pm – Mark and I sit in a pub next to our B&B (the other option was to sit in one of our rooms and needless to say, it is not a good option) and continue our conversation. He asks questions to find out more about me. I do not feel like talking about myself amidst the crowd and noise so I give vague answers. I carefully re-direct the conversation (this is really a very useful skill you know?) and he ends up talking about himself. CJ calls and I tell him to call me back (which was logical because it was too noisy to talk but it turned out to be good thing as well). I watch my lemonade very carefully throughout, purely out of habit.

9:45pm - I am calling it a night. In fact, I know from experience that I will be needing the toilet in about half an hour’s time and I do not want to leave him at the table alone. If I leave to go to the loo with my drink unfinished, it’s plain foolishness. If I finish my drink then go to the loo, he can easily get a new drink for me. Either way, I’m risking a spiked drink (Laugh at me…whatever…In a situation like that, I don’t care if you call me paranoid/crazy but I’m not taking the risk. And hello??! We’re in the UK!)
Mark doesn’t want to leave yet but I lie and tell him that it was my boyfriend who was called and I promised to talk to him at 10pm.

9:53pm – CJ calls again. I tell him I want to talk to him and to call me back again in half an hour. I tell Mark that my boyfriend is upset with me and I’m leaving now. We go back to the B&B and just as I was about to close the door, Mark not-so-subtly hints that he is interested in me. I know exactly what he means but I pretend not to get it, say a curt good night and shut the door, checking to make sure it’s locked. I am so worried that I feel the beginnings of a headache.

10:23pm – CJ calls yet again (bless this guy!) and we eventually get to talk. He remembered that I was moving today and he called to find out how I was. We get off the phone after a while because CJ has to meet some people from “Singapore Society” from his uni.

THIS IS WHEN THINGS START TO GET SCARY…

11:00pm – Mark knocks on my door and I pretend not to hear it.

11:10pm – Mark knocks on my door and I again pretend not to hear it.

11:30pm - Mark knocks again and asks if I want to join him for coffee in his room. I yell a loud NO and say I’m still on the phone.

11:55pm – Mark knocks and re-invites me for coffee. I yell NO. I’m going to sleep now.

12:30am – Mark knocks again and asks me to open the door. He doesn’t say why and at this point, I really don’t care why. I have decided NOT to open the door until the next morning. I pretend to be asleep.

Expectedly, I slept fitfully, startling at sudden noises (which was often because my room faced the road and the cars were going at all hours) and not even daring to go to the toilet. I woke up really tired but glad that the night was finally over and I would be moving out in a few hours.

Today…

8:00am – Mark knocks on my door to wake me up for breakfast (breakfast is at 9!!). I say I’m awake but do not open the door. He asks if I want to go for a walk. I reply that he is interrupting my praying and I’ll be down for breakfast when I finish.

9:10am – I finally make my way down for breakfast and I’m the only female in the dining room. Still, I’m glad to see 5 other people besides Mark. I take my time to eat my breakfast (in addition to my normal lack-of-speed when eating) and thankfully, Mark leaves for his dart tournament after a while.

12:30pm – I move into the hospital accommodation and in the process, I feel really bad for the taxi driver that had to help move my luggage up the stairs (because I asked very nicely). He is not young and I genuinely got worried when he started coughing during the 2nd flight of stairs. Fortunately, nothing happened to him. I paid him for the taxi fare and gave him a tip for helping me. He took the money and literally ran down the stairs. Maybe he was afraid I’ll ask him to do something else…

So well, yeah, now I’m settling into my new “home” for the next 6 weeks. All things considered, I think the journey went well and did go pretty much as planned, although some of it was luck. Even though stressful at times (and things were seriously scary last night, but I don’t like to imagine and I’m just thankful I’m safe), there were good moments too.

I understand now why people backpack. It is exciting to explore the unknown world out there and I got a great sense of achievement knowing that I can travel and get to places independently. Being put in a situation where I have nobody to rely on is truly an opportunity for self-discovery and growth. I have now convinced my greatest critic, myself, that I am not the helpless and sheltered girl I thought I was and that I am capable of being self-reliant.